For most of us, January is a time of reflection. A time to think of resolutions. For me, I’ve never put much stock into them. I’m more of a eat the carb, have the cake, drink the beer kind of girl which is evident in my robust physique. I do however, like to take time to reflect and think about where I’ve been and what my future goals might be. This year I have been thinking back on my years here in the Pines. At times it feels like we moved here yesterday; I couldn’t find work and would cry myself to sleep with the worry of not having a greater purpose. I was very concerned I wouldn’t find where I belonged not to mention a job. My whole life, I’ve worried about finding my calling, my passion, my purpose. I would fret about it, pray about it, and think about it until my stomach hurt. Once I hit my 30’s and still felt as lost as I did in my teens; my worry over wasting a life was at a crescendo.
Luckily, I hit the lottery when I married my husband. He is funny, kind, determined, highly driven and the most positive person I know. He has always been able to reign in my anxiety and fears. His belief in me and what I can accomplish is a tangible thing I can hold on to. Even he however, was at a loss when after a year of searching for work here in my beautiful town I came up empty. And just when I had pretty much run out of ideas, I was offered a sales position at a little boutique called Mary Contrary. I was thrilled to be working again, I found a certain peace working in the shop by myself, meeting new people, arranging furniture, unpacking new items etc… so it was a bit of a shock when after a few months the owner explained they sold their home and would be relocating. Long story short, the shop would close within the month and I would again find myself without a job.
It was then a little seed of an idea which had been germinating in the back of my mind started to grow. What if I took over the shop lease? Several horrifying thoughts immediately popped in my head. I have no money, no business background, the only sales experience or business I ever owned was diving for shells in Key West and selling said shells on my little stand on Smather’s Beach.
When I finally got my nerve up and mentioned my far fetched dream of taking over the space on Broad St. and starting my own shop—my man was shockingly cavalier. He said, “Of course you should! Why wouldn’t you?” Well I had a list of catastrophic concerns as you can imagine in addition to the afore mentioned. In the end he said something that stopped me in my tracks, “Sundi, what is the worst thing that can happen? We go bankrupt? We lose our house? We will never be homeless, we are in the Army and we can always move on base…” I assured him in no way could I live with the thought of causing our financial ruin. We were after all, in the middle of a recession where people were literally losing their homes and their jobs from no fault of their own. He again assured me all would be well. Do you see what I mean about his positivity and faith?
So I opened my shop: with no money, not even have enough to change the phone number—to this day I still have calls asking for Mary… The first few years were rough. I was in way over my head, but I still loved the work. I met interesting people, I got involved with the Sunrise and before I knew it; I felt a home in this beautiful town. My wonderful customers have stuck with me through the thin times and have helped celebrate every milestone, even this year when my 8th Anniversary celebration landed on the same October Saturday as Hurricane Matthew! It was a humbling experience to see folks turn up that morning before the storm hit just to show support and hopefully take advantage of an awesome sale and a delicious cake by C- Cups! That kind of support means so much to me— words truly cannot express my joy and appreciation for allowing me to belong to this town and the vibrant downtown community.
Of course, I still question myself through out the years. Am I fulfilling my purpose? I have periodic candid conversations with myself in the wee early hours, “Sundi, You sell inappropriate kitchen towels and delightful smelling candles this is not what you should be doing with your life! You aren’t making a difference, you aren’t solving any substantive problems…” and so on … But this year I think I’m at peace. While it’s true I don’t save lives… I do however provide a place that will hopefully bring a smile to your face, I do help you find the perfect Birthday, Anniversary or Christmas present, and maybe—just maybe—a person leaves my shop feeling a little lighter than when they arrived…and that just might be enough for a well lived life.
I guess my resolution this year is to be kinder to myself, to acknowledge my life matters in what ever scale I might be impacting my community. I will strive to be a good neighbor and a better friend. There must be a middle ground between racing against the clock to fit in all of our wants and dreams versus finding peace in your day to day accomplishments. I sure hope to find it…right here under the pines…
mockingbirdonbroad 