I think we can all agree, no one wants to hear any complaints of exhaustion after someone returns to work from a vacation while you’ve been working hard in their absence. Those brazen few who lament over lunch about how tired they are from all the merry making. As I have found myself in this position before I can tell you I handle it like a lady. I fight the urge to roll my eyes and sincerely try to imagine the logistics of travel and time changes and all of the sunshine… then I imagine leaping over the table and strangling the ingrate…However, I show immense self control and do no more than give a sympathetic nod and smile and pretend to listen while distractedly worrying over my sandwich bite to french fry ratio.
With that being said it is with a bone deep shame I admit the following to you—I need a vacation from my vacation. Wait! Before you storm off vowing to never to read this dilettante ever again, hear me out! I endured several days of awkward, tragic unimaginable episodes during brief joyful encounters. Such is the horror of my “vacation” that some details can’t even be written as it would be too much for your delicate eyes to see on typed page….
Let me start from the beginning…
After a very long couple of months of holiday craziness at the shop I was in desperate need of a break. Every year we drive home after Christmas to good old Sarasota, FL. We catch up with our family and friends, eat at our favorite restaurants, and go to the beach. My goal upon arrival every year is to swim in the ocean every day. So with the Gulf calling, we loaded up the truck with our loyal Dodge the dog riding shot gun and headed down to Florida. The trip started out fantastic. We quickly found ourselves stuck on the highway for hours in stopped traffic which my husband handled with ease… and by ease I mean he yelled at the cars in front of us until a little blood vessel burst in the corner of his eye… Super fun…
Nevertheless, the next morning I popped out of bed and headed to the beach for a quick swim and walk; and by walk I mean I took a nap in my beach chair until I awoke with a crick in my neck. It was a great day! Alas, by evening I was struck down with food poisoning, hence forth named “The Exorcism of Sundi McLaughlin”.
Day 2: I hit snooze and prayed for death. Meanwhile in a hell of his own, Dodge the dog was battling a troupe of rogue cats which have taken over my parents back yard (think West Side Story). These cat ruffians were so irate over Dodge infiltrating their turf they began to harass and taunt him during his morning and evening constitutionals. By the end of the day he was so traumatized he would only go outside if I pulled guard duty…
Day 4: We went to my amazing friends Lisa and Orion’s “Annual New Year’s Eve Spectacular!” Their house is a little slice of heaven which sits right on a canal with a big backyard, gorgeous outdoor lounge complete with pool and fire pit. The food is wonderful; the cocktails entertaining. I chat with friends I only see at this party and spend an enjoyable evening shooting the breeze. This year however, the children out numbered the adults resulting in absolute chaos; causing 2 children to run head long into the glass doors while 2 others ran into the screened porch. Amazingly, no children were injured and the glass and screen remained impervious. It was actually quite impressive. When we got home that night my parents informed us that Dodge had been bullied by a skunk and not to let him out until day break.
Day 6 was spent with my beautiful Grandma Gloria. We ate lunch at her favorite spot on the bay and then went back to her place so I could see her costumes from her days as a dancer. Lastly, she showed me her beautiful wedding dress from 1946. She gave it to me… I nearly wept… I will cherish it for the rest of my days.
Day 7: I was back at the beach with mom in tow. It was a beautiful 80 degrees and the gulf was calm. We swam and walked, solved world problems and reapplied suntan lotion on my pasty North Carolina skin. That evening I took Dodge for a walk in the neighborhood and as we were turning for home I smiled with the contented knowledge I still had sand between my toes…and that’s when it happened…
Out of nowhere we were tackled by a pit bull! The dog was lightning fast as he split his time between biting Dodge and my hand as I fought him off. Every time I scrambled to get up I was knocked down again with poor Dodge whimpering by my side. While I was kicking and swearing like Lucifer himself, a man came out of nowhere and tackled the dog to get him off of us. We eventually were all able to race into the house where I nearly collapsed from adrenaline, fear, and worry over my sweet boy. I cleaned up my hand, rushed Dodge to the hospital where he was pronounced extremely lucky and given a heavy dose of pain killers and antibiotics. I was given a heaping injection of tetanus and a pat on the head.
Day 9: We left before anything else could happen. We loaded up the truck, a traumatized Dodge, a beautiful wedding dress, and a little stow away named Suzanne AKA Mom. After a smooth and uneventful drive home (thank the good Lord) we arrived safe and sound with a fervent vow never to leave our beautiful town again, vacations be damned we’re staying right here under the Pines.
mockingbirdonbroad 